the stoner Chronicles of Nico Di'angelo
by LightningShard
Summary: After the war Nico and Percy change a lot hopefully for the better. Rated M for lemons, drug use, and language. Disclamer: I do not own PJO all rights to Rick Riordan. main pair NicoXThalia side pairings and mentions of NicoXOC ThaliaXOC TravisX? JasonXPiper LeoXOC(s)
1. The new me

**A/N:Sorry for not writing in a while people who have been reading my other stories just know that I wont be posting on my other stories for a while****. Also Sileana, Beckandorf, Lee Fletcher, and Micheal Yew are alive. Completely ignores HOO**** Jason Piper and Leo are just Greek. Also in this universe Percy Nico and everyone are all the same age including Nico. Also anyone can sit at whatever table they want now.**

Hi my name is Nico Di'angelo. I'm a child of Hades you know the one who had to kidnap his wife then cheated on her anyway.*Ground tremor* Sorry dad that's one of the reasons your famous. Anyway I'm 16 now and I love it. For those of you who think you know me. You don't know shit, you wouldn't even recognize me anymore. I have fully adopted the whole Child-Of-Hades cliche with some other things thrown in. By other things I of course mean stonerism. That's right _stoner-ism _I smoke so much toke John Lennon (R.I.P.) would be impressed. How did this happen you ask? Good question! I have Three words for you Travis and Conner. Yep, those two are the biggest potheads on the planet. Among my other smoking buddies Rachel (very very secretly I mean her dad is famous come on she cares somewhat), Sileana, Beckandorf , Piper, Percy, Katie, Jason, Malcolm (not really too much just when he is extremely stressed), Grover, and Juniper (That's right 2 of the biggest hippies ever are potheads big shock I know). The sweetest part of the deal is that since me and Percy are the only ones that have no one else in our cabins (Jason does too but still he doesn't want to keep it in his room cause of the whole "outstanding leader" thing) everyone keeps their plants in our rooms and we get to smoke all we want and Katie walks by our cabins everyday about noon and make the plants grow so we can harvest them because every Sunday we camp out in the woods. We have a bonfire and smoke a lot of pot all night. But now as to were I am right now, I'm getting high as fuck in my cabin with Percy,Travis, and Conner.

"Dude what will your obsessive as fuck girlfriend do to you if she finds out your doing this" Travis said to Percy

"Yeah you best chuck our pot out the window or else you owe us 4 plants." Conner said taking his two hits then passing it to me.

"She will prolly get extremely pissed off at me." Percy said as I took my two hits and then handed him the blunt we were smoking

"Dude she'll prolly rip your nuts off" Travis said laughing and grabbing the blunt off of Percy taking his 2 hits then passing it to his brother.

"Yep no more Pussy for Percy" Conner said between his 2 hits agreeing with his brother and handing me the roach.

"Anyone else want more or am I saving it for later?" I asked then everyone shook their heads yes so I burned the bottle I had and made a roach killer then we smoked the rest of the blunt.

"What the hell did we just smoke anyway?" Conner asked coughing a little bit

"_OG Kush_ mixed with _Purple Haze_. It's good shit right?" I said/asked everyone

"Definitely man" Conner said his pupils were pretty much taking up his whole fucking eye by this point

"Yo guys, anyone need a cig?" Travis asked we all shook our heads no and brought out our own packs and lighters.

"So everyone" I asked "whats the pack of the week?"

"_Ports_" Percy said lighting his _Newport_

"_Mavericks_" Travis said taking a hit

"_Marlboros_" Conner said packing the new pack

"_Camels_" I said taking a drag off of my _camel crush_.

"I love pot" Conner announced lazily taking another slow drag off his _Marlboro extra menthol_

"Uh-hu" I said leaning back on my black satellite chair and flicking my ash into the tray

"Ditto" Percy said Dreamily and chilling on one of the many extra bunks in my cabin

"Yep" Travis said with a huge smile on his face and we all finished our cigarettes and put them in my overflowing ash tray. I pushed a button on the tray and the ash disappeared. That is majorly cool and my favorite thing ever.

"Let's get some breakfast bitches" Percy said finally loose from the excessive amount of pot we just smoked.

"Hell yeah" I said getting up from my comfy chair.

"Bangin" Travis yelled

"Well then lets get our munchies on" Conner said

**at breakfast at Percy's table before Annabeth got there**

"Percy bro even with the eye drops you still look pretty high" Travis slightly slurred

"And you still sound a little fucking high" Conner laughed

"Fuck off virgin" Travis said smugly

"Oh big talk. You sleep with one mortal at a party and now you think you're big shit" Conner said

"Shut up assholes your fucking with my mellow" Percy said

"Sorry Percy" Travis said sounding very apologetic

"yeah man didn't mean it" Conner said sincerely What just happened is that the high is very very sacred and anyone that intentionally fucks with someone's high is considered a seriously major dickhead. Because there is no way to turn off a high and if someone has a bad high because of it they might not come out of it until they are sober.

"Yo limp dicks hate to interrupt the moment but shut the fuck Annabeth is coming" I whispered

"Wait one more thing. Bonfire tonight?" Conner asked and we all shook our heads yes and then Annabeth sat down at the table.

"Hey guys." Annabeth said cheery as ever.

"Hey Annabeth." We all said through mouthfuls of food.

"Percy?" Annabeth asked

"yeah?" Percy said as he shook his head and stopped staring at the braziers

"Are you tired or something?" Annabeth asked genuinely concerned

"Yeah, I had some bad dreams" Percy said suddenly regaining enough composer to talk to his girlfriend as long as he didn't look directly in the eyes.

"Oh, that sucks seaweed brain" Annabeth said Putting her hand on his shoulder

"Yeah it does." Percy said.

"Well I think I can cheer you up later" Annabeth said pushing her now C36-cup breasts against Percy's arm."

"Damn Conner, even Percy has more game than you!" Travis laughed so hard I would have been afraid he was gonna choke. If the fire pit hadn't become increasingly interesting.

"Shut up Travis" Conner said with contempt in his voice

"Alright alright truce dude, I'll stop if you will" Travis said holding out his hand for Conner to shake

"Deal" Conner exclaimed shaking his twin brother's hand.

"Thank the gods, they have been fighting all morning sweetie" Percy said to Annabeth and she laughed

"Yeah that sounds like them alright" Annabeth said still giggling.

"Yo Percy it's 9:00 (yes its only 9:00 and I'm already stoned no I don't have a problem) we gotta go remember" Travis said oh right we had to meet Grover and juniper to set up for tonight

"yeah bro we gatta go see Grover and juniper" Conner said mimicking my own thoughts

"Ight guys." Percy said "I love you Wise Girl"

"I love you too seaweed brain" Annabeth said and she kissed Percy. About 30 seconds later I cleared my throat to get them to break it the hell up.

"OK OK dude I'm going" Percy whined and got up.

**Author's Note: I will not be continuing past this chapter until I get 6 reviews. Also just pointing this out if you get bored waiting for this story then please read my Thalibeth story.**


	2. Chapter 2: Fun With The Hunters

**Author's Note: Sorry it took me so long to update my computer is complete shit. Thank you all so much for your wonderful reviews they mean so much to me you guys are the best! Oh and Zoe nightshade is alive!**

(_̅_̅_̅(̲̲(̅_̅_̲_̅_̅_̅_̅_̅_̅_̅_̅_̅_̅_̅_̅_̅_̅_̅_̅_̅_̅_̅_̅_ ()ڪے~

(_̅_̅_̅(̲̲(̅_̅_̲_̅_̅_̅_̅_̅_̅_̅_̅_̅_̅_̅_̅_̅_̅()ڪے~

(_̅_̅_̅(̲̲(̅_̅_̲_̅_̅_̅_̅_̅_̅_̅()ڪے~

(_̅_̅_̅(̲̲(̅_̅()ے~

_**why not**____**everyone?**_

* * *

Disclaimer: All characters and settings belong to Rick Riordan and not me. ::cries silently::

"Damn Percy that was close" Travis said slapping Percy on the back

"Got to agree with my brother dude" Conner said putting a hand on Percy's upper arm

"What I want to know is how did you sober up so fast?" I asked stopping in my tracks as well as everyone else.

"1. I like my nuts where they are" Percy said holding up his index finger

"And..." Travis said making that little 'go on' motion with his hands.

"2. like you said no more pussy for Percy, **and** Annabeth is tight as shit" Percy said setting his hands down.

"Yo TMI Broseph" I laughed while stumbling over myself

"Got to agree with Nico man, that last part was too much dude" Travis said laughing just as hard.

"Damn Brosky, you need to lay off the ganja your **too** goddamn loose" Conner said and we all laughed at Percy's expression then we all walked back to my cabin then when we got there...

"Nico man, when was the last time you cleaned your cabin it smells like old cigs, weed, and stale beer." Percy said as we walked into my cabin. Everyone just started dieing, me included.

"Well Percy my answer is shut the fuck up and let's get smashed!" I exclaimed pulling a 24 pack of _Coors_ and a bag of C_ali Kush(1) _out of my nightstand and tossing everyone a can.

**Thalia's POV**

"Goddamn I hate those uptight bitches" I screamed as I stormed into my tent (which is bigger on the inside then the outside) those bitches tried to blame the Sandy Hook shooting on Ganja. "Those bitches make me so angry sometimes." then I had an idea on how to calm down I flopped down on my black beanbag chair and pulled out a bag of _Sour Diesel (2)_, Puff (my favorite bowl. I named him Puff because he is shaped like a dragon and I puff weed from his tail. So I named him Puff like the magic dragon except cooler.), 2 rolling papers, and a bag of molly tablets. While doing this I checked my stash which now contains 10 pounds of ganja, 50 grams of dried shrooms, 2 ounces of molly (tablet and powder in separate bags)_(3)_, 50 packs of rolling papers, 10 packs of _Blacks(4)_, a carton and a half of _Camels_, and a box of blunts I never bothered to count. A packed Puff and rolled the joints. I then stuck one behind my ear and popped a molly tablet and drank it down with a can of_ Coors._ I put the other Joint in the bowl and packed the _Sour Diesel _into Puff around the Joint. I then realized I forgot to get my lighter so I got my 'Shit Happens' lighter out. I waited and counted out loud "5...4...3...2...1...aaaannnnddd" as if on Que my roommate Jane walked in just as mad as I was. Just as she started to rave about the same thing I did I threw her lighter at her and showed her that I already packed Puff. Then she calmed down a little bit and gave me a look when she saw the joint then rolled her eyes. " Yes we are doing another _time bomb(5)_ deal with it" she shrugged and I lit the joint and took 2 pretty good sized hits then passed it and then Jane took her 2 hits and then she said

"Damn this is good ganja"

"Hell yeah it is" I said to Jane and then took a drag off of Puff and held it in and counted down from 10 on my hands then exhaled slowly then took a semi small hit compared to the others.

"wow small last hit" Jane said as I handed her Puff

"Yeah did you see the first one" I slurred/laughed

"yes I did miss Iron Lungs"Jane said and took a hit waited 5 seconds and exhaled. She then tried to pass it to me but I said to take a second hit While I turned on some music. I chose Who's Gonna Smoke by Beniton The Menace ft Marvin Priest.(URL to song at bottom). Then Jane took a second hit and the joint was almost to the bowl pack and she passed Puff.

"And the time bomb goes BOOOOOM!" I said and hit Puff really hard and the joint got to the bowl pack. If I wasn't high before (Which I was) then I am now. Again I held it in for 10 seconds and then exhaled then took a relatively small hit and passed it to Jane and then since the song ended I went to change the music. I put on Smokin Smokin Weed by Snoop Dogg (URL at bottom) Jane handed it back to me after taking her 2 hits I hit twice and passed it. Jane took her 2 hits and tried to hand it back but told her to take the last hit. We were packing it up when Zoe Nightshade walked in saying

"Thalia Jane, can you believe tha... is that Marijuana?" Zoe said

"..."

"..."

"I said IS THAT MARIJUANA?!" Zoe screamed

"yep" I said calmly "also known as Green, Ganja, Bud, Reefer, Tree, Grass, Zig-Zag, Skunk, Stick-icky, and my favorite Mary-Jane." at that Zoe left my tent and I layed back and put on Blueberry Yum Yum by Ludacris (URL also at bottom)

**AUTHOR'S NOTE: What did you guys think? Tell me in a review what you thought loved it hated it what and please tell me why. Please ask me any questions or if you have any Ideas please share flames will be used to cook my hot dogs tonight. (Going Camping YAY!) here are the definitions and URLs.**

**URLS**

Who's Gonna Smoke: watch?v=CoEDMBpOFmg

Smokin Smokin Weed: watch?v=GGGzSFWH7A0

Blueberry Yum Yum: watch?v=yqWUTOP0Z1w

**Definitions**

Cali Kush: An potent brand of Marijuana grown in California.

Sour Diesel: An extremely potent brand of Marijuana. Named because of it's slightly sour flavor and potency.

Molly: The Pure form of ecstasy mostly found in powder form but can be found in Pill form.

Blacks: A Cigar/Cigarette mix that taste absolutely epic in my opinion.

Time Bomb: When a Joint is stuck inside of a bowl and Weed is packed around it and you smoke it until the joint hits the bowl pack then it lights the whole bowl of weed.


	3. Chapter 3 some high times and low ones

** Author's Note: I was very mad when almost no-one reviewed the last chapter. I really hate doing this but no more story until I get 8 MORE reviews as of posting this chapter sorry but if you guys review this won't happen. I hope you all enjoy this chapter. Also some Girl on Girl content nothing to bad but you have been warned.**

* * *

I DO NOT OWN PERCY JACKSON & THE OLYMPIANS THIS IS JUST A PRODUCT OF THE BRAIN GOO FROM MY SICK LITTLE MIND.

"Thalia what do you think Zoe will do since she saw us" Jane asked me quietly

"Prolly just freak the fuck out and fuck her GF" I said

"Who's the GF haven't kept up to date" Jane asked rolling on her side in the bean bag chair.

"Lady Artemis" I replied nonchalantly also turning on my side

"Holy shit she's fucking a god!" Jane said/laughed

"Where have you been for the last month?" I said/laughed/asked

"High off my ass with you" Jane laughed

"oh yeah" I said feigning surprise. It was quiet for a bit after that we were watching Dave Chappelle 'for what it's worth.' When Jane said

"hey Thals remember that time we..." Jane started

"Yes I do. You were wonderful in bed" I said and Jane blushed

"Wanna go for round 2?" Jane asked still blushing

"I don't know I like you and all but Dave Chappelle here (I gestured at the TV) is pretty funny (I'm gonna take the time to describe Jane here) **BUT** your really hot with your long red hair, nice round ass that sways just right when you walk, perky c-36 breasts, and beautiful blue eyes that seem to see through all ooh and your just so... whats the word... Petite 5'7; and roughly 110 pounds"

"How would you know that?" Jane asked

"I had you on my face, remember?" I said/asked.

"yeah I do, you are one talented lover miss iron lungs" Jane said while blushing profusely

"you as well I can't believe I came 4 times!" I said laughing

"and I came 5 times" Jane said

"Ha I'm better" I said

"Go for round 2 and we'll see" Jane said

"You're on" I said inching closer to her face. She inched closer to my face and we kissed . I ran my tongue over her bottom lip asking for entry which she granted. Our tongues wrestled for dominance which I won. I got off of my bean bag chair and straddled her. I broke the kiss and she whimpered and I pulled my shirt and hers off and crashed my lips to hers again. We had officially entered a make-out session. I tilted my head and deepened the kiss to which she moaned in response. I pulled one of my hands out of her hair and put it on her right breast and started kneading her through her bra. She whimpered at the stimulation and grabbed my ass now it was my turn to moan. At this point the chair turned into a bed _I love that enchantment_ the room changes to fit the mood of the people in it. I broke the kiss for a moment and took off her bra and stared sucking on her collar bone she whined at this. And the after I believed I had left a significant hickey on her I started kissing my way down her body. Stopping at her right breast and I licked it she moaned loudly. _Thank the gods for that silencing spell that, that hecate kid put on_ I fondled her left breast as well. Then I put my leg between hers and she started humping against it. I broke the kiss and said "ooh someone's eager..." at that point she crashed her lips to mine and gave me a mind blowing kiss.

"Hell yeah I am" Jane said pulling our mouths apart. Then she flipped us over so that she was on top and started sucking on my collar bone right where I like it. I moaned really loudly and she decided to taunt me this time. "oh we like that do we...!" she didn't finish her sentence because I had attached my mouth to her left nipple. Placed my knee between her legs and started rubbing her through her jeans with my knee. I took this moment and flipped us over so I was on top. While she was dazed I pulled her pants down. Then I put my hand inside her panties and started furiously rubbing her clit. At this motion she start moaning and whimpering then I place a digit inside her and she gasped loudly. I added another finger and started trusting them and very quick pace while using my thumb to rub her clit. I crashed my lips to hers in a kiss and she came...hard. "wow" was all she said when she recovered. Now I licked my fingers in front of her face and moaned. Fingering her tight pussy made me extremely wet. So in one fluid motion I pulled down both my pants and my panties, then I sat on her face and said "clean it" to which she obliged and started lapping at my juices I moaned in response and started rubbing my nipples for extra stimulation. Then I moaned because she stuck her tongue inside my pussy. I screamed and creamed all over her face. I fell down so that my face was down by her pussy and she just kept licking the exes juices off of my legs and pussy. I climbed up her body and licked my juices off of her face. We snuggled up next to each other and Jane said "where did this come from" and held up a joint "oh it must have fallen out of my ear" and I took it back and put in my hair.

"We should go get some dinner I'm starving" Jane said putting on some low-rider jeans and a tank top

"No bra?" I asked her

"Why should I where one it's just dinner" Jane shrugged

"good point" I said and I put on some black punk jeans, a Snoop Dogg and a Metallica hoodie. We left the tent laughing and smiling but before we could get close to the mess hall Zoe nightshade and a couple other hunters said to come with them. So we did and we went into the big tent where all the hunters were waiting and lady Artemis.

"Thalia and Jane, Zoe tells me that you and Jane were enjoying a little Marijuana" Artemis said Marijuana like it was the most disgusting word on the planet "now just explain to Zoe that this was just a miss understanding and you can be on your merry way" I didn't say anything but I took my lighter out of my pocket and the joint out of my hair I lit the joint and took a big hit then I passed it to Jane, she took a hit and I blew a wide smoke ring and she sent a smaller one through the center of mine. "well I see it wasn't a mistake well then I guess that I have no choice but to exile you both from the hunters and transport you to Camp Half-blood immediately go pack your things my brother will be here in a few minutes to pick you both up."


	4. Chapter 4 Apollo is cool shit

**Author's note: I hope that you all love this chapter though it is kinda just filler but necessary filler. Also in response to a review the lemons between Nico and Thalia won't be coming for a few chapters I don't plan for this relationship to go easy. Plz don't review as guest because then I can't give you credit and if you do at least include what I should call you.**

**Now reviewers time for some love:**

_**lizzidaughterofhades**_**: why yes yes she did**

_**guest #1**_**: I used to but am now 7 months clean**

_**thaliadaphnejackson12 (my first reviewer)**_**: yes she is that.**

_**Guest#2**_**: the sex btween Nico and Thalia is coming!**

_**Dude**_**:I'm sorry you think so but...if you don't like don't read!**

_**Guest#3**_**: I'm sorry you didn't read past the opening but that isn't the best part.**

So yeah me and Jane were in our tent 'packing' (in reality we were just lieing on our bed). Until Jane asked a question...

"Thalia, you've been to camp right?" Jane asked timidly curled up into my side

"Yes" I said wondering where this was going

"Is it nice there?" Jane continued

"Yep, one of the best places on earth" I responded

"And the people?" Jane asked stilled curled into me

"Compared to these bitches" I said gesturing outside "they are the nicest and best people in the world"

"Thanks Thals" Jane said getting off of the bed

"No problem I said getting up to pack my shit into my bag (it's infinite) and the put on Payphone by Maroon 5

"Nice song... appropriate" Jane said pecking me on the lips

"Imma role up a spliff(1) or two for the ride." I said sitting down with my packing kit.

"Ight" Jane said and then she lied down and turned up the radio and turned off the silencing charm after changing the song to Make It Bun Dem by Skrillex & Damian Marley."I hope they all like me"

"They will, you'll fit right in with your brothers and sisters in the Athena cabin" I said

"What about you, do you have any siblings?" Jane asked as I finished rolling the fourth and final spliff and packing up the kit

"Yeah just one, his name is Jason" I answered just now realizing I didn't really know much about my half brother

"anyone in particular I should find?" Jane asked

"Yeah one of you sisters actually, Annabeth. Though she is usually part of the welcoming party." I said

"Oh isn't she the one that you and Luke were on the run with?" Jane asked and me heart clenched at the memory of those days before Luke turned evil, I mean the kid was like an annoying brother to me.

"Yep that's the one" I responded to her question and then thought of one of my own "how come your a child of Athena and you have blue eyes not gray eyes?"

"I mostly take after my dad." Jane simply stated

"how so?" I asked her

"I got my red hair, blue eyes, and freckles from my dad." she explained

"Okay come on we better go" I said and we walked out of the tent and it shrunk and zipped into my bag. We then went to the edge of camp to wait for Apollo. Zoe nightshade came to say goodbye but before she could say anything I spat on her shoes. Artemis came up and was about to say something about it but I spoke first "save it bitch, we're outa here" I pointed up at the sky at this and Apollo's chariot pulled up.

"Sup sis these the lovely ladies I'm escorting to camp" Apollo asked winking at us to which we rolled out eyes and kissed **'oh you're like that'** he said in our minds.

"yes they are now please remove them from my sight" Artemis said with a look of disgust on her face.

"Okay sis" Apollo said and ushered us inside the chariot "what did you two do to get kicked out anyway?" He asked and we held up two spliffs and lit them "Yo, is that Pot? Let me get some of that." We handed him a spliff and lit it he puffed it and coughed "wow this is some good shit, how did you get it this good" He asked as we took off.

"We watered it with ambrosia not water." I said and took a hit and Jane took a hit and we kissed.

"public displays much?" Apollo asked

"It's how we do shoties(2)" I explained

"oh cool just so you know there are some stoners at camp to. I don't know who though." Apollo

"Thanks for the heads up. By the way I take it Chiron isn't cool with weed either?" I asked/said

"nope you gatta hide it from the old centaur he's smart though from what I've heard these days he isn't as watchful as he used to be." Apollo informed us

"Cool you wanna the last spliff?" I asked Apollo holding out

"Naw I'm good" Apollo said and pulled out a pack of _mavericks_

"I didn't know you smoked the cheap shit." I said taking out 2 _blacks _and lighting mine and Jane's with a wood match.

"I don't usually and nice choice on the blacks"Apollo said

"thanks, and than why are you now?" Jane asked

"I can't magically make a pack of smokes appear" Apollo responded

"Why, your a god?" Jane questioned

"It's not my circle so I go buy some and I'm out of human money" Apollo said

"Okay that makes sense." I said for Jane

"How do you get yours?" Apollo asked

"We prayed to Hermes for luck and ripped off a 7-11" Jane explained

"oh well you won't run out of human money as long as you have drachmas

"and why is that?" Jane asked looking puzzled

"Travis and Conner know how to hack ATMs and will do so for you in exchange for some drachmas and a distraction." Apollo said jane and I were a bout to respond when Apollo said "we're here." we told him thanks and stepped out..

**TO BE CONTINUED...**


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